Hey friends! I'm writing this a little late as baby girl is approaching ... 9 months old! How is this even possible? I have had a lot requests for updates on how she is sleeping, eating, and progressing. I've also received numerous messages on how to balance motherhood, mental health, marriage, work, and all of the things. So, here is my 6 month postpartum update! I hope you find some nuggets of helpful advice in here that you can take and make your own or share with a loved one. Here's how things are going for us:
Sleep:
The first six weeks of my daughter's life, we were in survival mode. She slept only about an hour and a half at a time. But, by 6-12 weeks old, we began to expect regular longer stretches from her. If you're in that rough first month or two - know that a full night's rest will come again! Every baby is different, but according to my research, most are developmentally capable of going longer stretches by the time they are a few months old. By 2-3 months, our daughter would sleep 4-5 hour stretches at night broken up by one or two 45-minute nursing periods. By 4-5 months, she was sleeping 6-8 hours a night straight and about 10 hours total. And, by 6 months, baby girl finally got to the golden 10-12 hours straight a night - no interruptions. I could go on and on about what we did and how we got here, but I'll summarize to make things easier!
- White Noise Machine - It's a must. The sound machine is soothing and mimics the sounds of your uterus. It also drowns out background noise. I am including a link to our Hatch Rest Sound Machine.
- Blackout Curtains - We only use them at night and we allow natural light during daytime naps. We put our daughter down at 6:30pm and she wakes at 6:30 am. So, the blackout curtains keep the light out so she sleeps deeply all night!
- Mom's On Call Schedule - I can't say enough about the Mom's On Call Schedule. We never allowed our daughter to "cry it out". Instead, we took a gentle approach to sleep training and we used the scheduling app from Mom's On Call to help us understand what a normal day and a good nap/nighttime sleep schedule should look like. We learned about wake windows and stimulating the baby during that time so they are tired enough for naps and bedtime. We learned to put our daughter down to bed earlier rather than later. This tool changed our lives!
- Sleep Sack - Babies older than 2-3 months old should stop being swaddled. Especially when they are showing signs of rolling. The sleep sack is a great solution to help baby feel cozy without restricting their movement at night. Experts recommend never putting a blanket, pillow, or anything else into the crib with the baby while they sleep.
- Cool Temperature - We keep her room at 69-70 degrees at night and we have found that she sleeps best at this temperature. We use the Dyson heat and cool fan to ensure her room is always the perfect temperature.
- Consistency - Consistency is key! Even when our daughter didn't want to take her naps or wouldn't want to be placed in her crib, we kept the schedule. We had a routine before naps and bedtime and would do the same things every time so that she would begin to learn when mommy and daddy wanted her to sleep.
- Daytime Sleep - If you're struggling with naps, I recommend the Mom's On Call website. There is a lot of free information and you can also pay for more custom consulting.
Feeding/Solids:
My daughter is still primarily breastfed. Here is her schedule:
6:30 - wake & breastfeed
7:30 - breastfeed
8:00 - maybe baby food depending on her mood
9:00 - breastfeed & nap
11:00 - wake & breastfeed
12:00 - baby food
1:00 - breastfeed & nap
3:00 - wake & breastfeed
4:30 - baby food
6:00 - breastfeed & bedtime
I do nighttime nurse if she wakes during the night. It's important to note that this is our goal and "normal" schedule, but we don't hit it 100% of the time. This is just what we strive for.
In terms of beginning solids, we are currently using Feeding Little Bellies cookbook to guide us on purees and solids. I highly recommend! We also like the Solid Starts app.
Milestones:
At 6 months, your baby will likely be able to sit up or almost up on their own. They may also be able to roll from tummy to back and back to tummy. You might even see them begin to crawl or scoot. These are great milestones to work on with your baby as well as continuing to talk to them and read to them. We love Mom's On Call to read about the milestones we should be working on!
Mental Health:
I want to begin this section by saying that there is nothing wrong with needing help after having a baby. And help can mean a variety of things. Maybe you need help during the days so you can get laundry or emails done. Maybe you need help at night due to sleep deprivation. Maybe you need help figuring out breastfeeding or teething. And maybe you need help with your own state of mind. Becoming a mother is a huge identity shift. You become a completely different person and now have a whole new being who is 100% dependent on you for their survival. You prayed for this baby all your life. You grew that beautiful baby safely in your womb for 9 months. And now, they are living and exploring this big scary world. It's a lot. Lean on your other mom friends, lean on your husbands and support systems, don't be afraid to ask for help, talk to God, and let your doctor know if you are really struggling. Things absolutely will get better and you will be thriving in motherhood before you know it.
Here's what I've done to support my mental health:
- Daily Prayer & Devotionals: The most important thing I do each day is connect with God. Through prayer, devotionals, and reading scripture. It sets the foundation for the day, reminds you to live peacefully, patiently, thankfully, kindly, fearlessly, and lovingly. It arms you with The Word to protect you from getting caught up in sin (anger, anxiety, pride, envy, vanity, etc.)
- Exercise and Healthy Foods: Our bodies are gifts provided by God. They're to be used to do good in this world. Therefore, we must take care of our bodies (not for vanity reasons) in order to be able to show up as the best version of ourselves for the people we care for.
- Talking to Other Mothers: I mentioned this before - I would be nowhere if it wasn't for my mom friends who have been there for me through this journey. Whether I'm worried about a fever, sharing an anxious thought, or seeking advice on how to travel with a baby, it takes a village. Call on your mom friends. Not only will it help you build a support system of your own, but it may also open up the door for them to share what they are struggling with.
- Leaning on My Husband: My husband is my rock. If something is weighing on me, or I feel overwhelmed, lost, frustrated, whatever - he always encourages me and reminds me that I am doing a great job. He reminds me to put my trust in Jesus. And he lends a helping hand.
- Letting Some Things Go: Learn to be ok with not having spotless floors. Learn to be ok with laundry piling up. Dinner might be boring tonight. Your work out might get interrupted. You may take a bit longer to reply to that email. You might be late to that meeting. You might have to cancel that trip. Having a baby makes you exponentially more busy and gives your mind way more things to juggle and consider. It's ok! Take the pressure off of yourself and let some things go. You'll find more joy when you don't try to be perfect.
- Servant's Heart: A mindset that has completely transformed my experience as a mother is this - "Love the Lord God with all your heart" and "love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:36-40 When you approach life with a servants heart, you shift the focus from yourself. This is basically the opposite of what society tells us to do as women.
Society says take care of you, girl! I deserve to get my nails done, I want to spend an hour on my makeup, I need to lose the baby weight, I should go out for girls night, I need to prioritize my career... These aren't bad things. They can actually feel like good things. But, have you ever heard the saying that something can be a "good thing" but it may not be a "Godly thing"? I have found that when I live for me, I am never satisfied. So I always check my heart before I do anything! Why am I doing it? Is it for my own good? Or is it for the good of others?
Losing baby weight or hitting my career goals will not increase my self worth and it will not bring me true joy. But when I prioritize my health, it's so I can show up best for my family. That brings me joy! When I prioritize my career, it is so I can help bring an income for my family. That is a Godly thing! - Trust God - We are only human. As much as we love our children and long to protect them, our Heavenly Father is the only one fully able to do this. The moment you remember that your child is a child of God, that God loves your baby far more than you could imagine, you can breathe ... and let the worries go.
Marriage:
If you haven't had kids yet, I strongly recommend going on as many vacations and dates with your husband as possible. Dance in the kitchen with him, kiss in the hot tub, see the world. Once you have kids, it becomes more difficult. But that doesn't mean you have to stop prioritizing your marriage. It just means you have to work a bit harder to do it. In the first few months postpartum, it is survival mode. That's ok! But we slowly began to go on day dates with our daughter. Lunch, brunch, a walk on the beach, or even a glass of wine on our back patio. When our baby started having a consistent bedtime, things got even better. Every evening we began to sit and talk, cuddle just he and I, enjoy dinner together, and connect in our faith. Those first few months were a whirlwind but truly they brought us closer together. There are times at the end of the day when we are so exhausted that we don't have energy for each other, but we work hard to push through this. We water our marriage and give it sunlight, just as you would a plant. We are a team. There is no topic off limits and there is nothing we wouldn't do for each other. Marriage is a gift from the Lord! And just because you have an infant, doesn't mean it goes on the back burner.
I hope you find this both helpful and encouraging. Written with love, Jill
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